#SaturdayShort - Female Intuition

There was a shift in the air that I couldn't shake. I surrounded myself with positive people and things and places and spaces so I'm a little bit confused as to how you slithered in... so charming and compassionate so knowledgeable and sensitive but then I remembered that Satan quoted scripture too and was articulate and calculating and wasn't afraid to tempt the son of man so who I am to think that I wouldn't find myself on Day 40 so close but so far away from the light...the Light... that light?

The smoke cleared and the mirrors shattered and everything made perfect sense to me. I had been hoodwinked, bamboozled, and led astray. I was five steps from jumping from that plane, catching that bus, shaving my hair and dyeing it blonde, drinking that Hennessey eating that honeybun, searching for that white dress or maybe it was blue and driving to Memphis while listening to 8Ball and MJG and sending that text or listening to that voicemail only to hear her voice on the other end instead of yours. I should have told that dude that I was interested in him instead of two stepping around it and keeping it all "business" with small talking about speaking here and going there but instead I lost hours, and minutes, and days and seconds listening to you talk...and talk... and talk... and make plans for tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that only to find out that that day was all we had. That moment. Those minutes before the sun came up...before the truth appeared, before the phone rang. 

The truth is, I only spent a few hours in those ten years wondering about you while you were wondering about me while you were wondering about her while she was wondering about you. I'm gonna close my eyes and count to ten and reclaim my time...the time spent dreaming, and hoping, and wishing, and praying that this time would be different. 

It was like pulling back an onion. Every layer was filled with lies and deceit and funk although my eyes didn't water but I'm sure hers did and her heart broke as she opened gift after gift filled with empty promises from you. As for me, I'll reminisce on the times we had before the booze and music and the fine fabricated lines of affection and that fiery faux erection followed by sweet generic connection and soft artificial suggestions and fake confections...which we never had.

If 2017 is all we have, I'll use my intuition and discernment and keep swimming...not looking back but only straight ahead, hiding the Word in my heart... in order to do that you have to disappear, slither back into your hole. Concoct a sonnet to calm her heart because I'm sorry. I can't allow you to take up any more space in my present. I'm gonna live, laugh, create magic, dream, love, make love, swim in a sea of thanksgiving, jump into an ocean of creativity, wade in a lake of joy, and never look back.

Oh, but I’m gonna write... and write, and write it all down.